Anglo Celtic Plate: British 100km Championship 2019

The week before the race felt strange, like time was passing too fast and too slow. I had got myself into the shape of my life and all I had to do was keep ticking over, not do anything stupid, not get sick. It was of course a week of niggles, along with a slight sore throat and headache. Having fallen ill right before most of my key races in 2018 I tried not to worry but it was hard not to.

Debbie had requested our race plans 10 days before but I kept holding off. I had a hunch I could get close to 8 hours, but that would mean going 30 minutes faster than I had before. My real target was a medal, a gold one if I could, and I didn’t want to blow that by chasing an unachievable time. So the race plan was to stay in the pack - if there was a suitable one - for the first 50km or so, then… 

The weekend before I ran 20km by feel in full kit (including the hair tie!) around the Meadows in Edinburgh (a near-identical length lap to Perth and with the same headwind down one side). My pace - 4’ 30” / km - was faster than expected. That combined with a solid 60km training run three weeks out gave me confidence. I nearly didn’t do the 60km as I thought it might be too close to race day so asked for advice from Fife AC coach Ron Morrison and he said it would be fine, “at race pace”. 

I got the train to Perth on Saturday lunchtime and went for a gentle run to stretch out my legs and clear my mind, then it was team briefings, dinner and bed. Unfortunately there was a wedding in the hotel and I was on the music side so didn’t get to sleep until midnight, then up at 5am after a night of fitful sleep.

From the gun four women - Sophie Carter, Morgan Windram, Lynne Allen and myself - formed a pack that would hold for around 35km. We ran along chatting about races we had done and planned to do and playing dog bingo. This packing can’t have made life easy for the Scotland team support as they had three runners coming through the support area at the same time. I was really pleased when Debbie told me that Sue Walker was supporting me, it gave me lots of confidence as I knew that she would be totally on the ball for 8 hours (how?!), and of course she was. I switched from Tailwind to bits of Graze superfood bites (oaty things) because I was worried about needing the toilet and dropping off the pack. This turned out to be a mistake as the lack of fluid upset my stomach and I ended up with three trips to the portaloos. Anyway…

Some time after 35km I went to the front of the pack to take the headwind off Morgan and accidentally opened a small gap, then realised that the pack had strung out. I picked up the pace a little to test my legs and felt really good. I decided to pick up the pace by 15 seconds a km then from 45km I picked up the pace again to see if I could get a lap in hand. I definitely wouldn’t have had the confidence to do this if I hadn’t done a long training run with Nicola Duncan (who twice picked the pace up to faster than my marathon PB - on a 54km run!). By 63km I had a comfortable lead and settled down. 

When my mind drifted to the distance still to go I focused on how much this race mattered to me. The last two years have seen a lot of disappointment, the 2017 ACP DNF, then in 2018 so many races that had, for one reason or another, gone wrong (illness, cracked rib, chipped shin, postponed…). 

Since being diagnosed with mast cell disease and fighting back after being told I would never run again (and being so ill I believed it), I have felt like I was running out of time to fulfil my potential. After last year I began to wonder if I simply wasn’t as good a runner as I thought I could be.

My friend Megan’s astonishing debut novel, Everyone is Watching, is full of startling turns of phrase, but one struck me so deeply it burned into my memory instantly:

“It is not easy to live with the sudden knowledge of possibility”

This has always held a slightly unhappy resonance for me, but the meaning changed in the second half of the race as my heart filled with hope. This might sound dramatic for a single race, but the last few years haven’t been easy.

For almost every minute, from 40km or so, I was simply happy. I was running. My body was working. My training was paying off. All I had to do was keep running - and I love running! I smiled so much my face ached.

I smiled at the Westie trotting up the very centre of the path by the river, I exchanged words with other runners, I smiled and smiled. Somehow, miraculously, 80km had gone by and I still felt good.

Some of the Scotland men, who had started so fearlessly, were slowing and I tried to offer words of encouragement, but it’s hard to know what will help. When I passed James (he was a couple of laps ahead but going through a rough patch) I told him to chase me down when he felt better and was really pleased when he came by a few minutes later. 

With only 8km to go I realised that going under 8 hours was going to be tight but manageable. Then a trip to the portaloo changed that. I felt I could run a 21 minute 5km as I was still, inexplicably, feeling good. But doing that at the end of a 100km race would be a risk and I couldn’t know how big a risk. I might be fine or I might not. It was too big a risk. If there had been a runner ahead and I would have taken the gamble. But to gamble the gold medal? Not worth it.

The last lap I was pretty close to tears but still wouldn’t let myself upgrade hope to belief, not until I had a flag in my hand and the finish line in my sight. I made a mess of holding up the flag because my focus was so strongly on the line. 

The flood of emotions at the finish was utterly overwhelming. None of the things I have been through matter any more, I will always have this.

Scotland’s Morgan Windram, Jo Murphy and Lynne Allen followed me home in an unprecedented clean sweep of the first four places. Robert Turner and Kyle Greig took silver and bronze after Charlie Harper’s superb 6:44. James battled back for sixth and Dave for tenth.

Huge thanks to the entire Scotland team, especially to Adrian, Debbie, Sue and Val. And to Mark for letting the women be fussy about kit (the men’s shorts were perfect for 100k!). Thanks also to Ian Beattie who helped get me back into speedier running with his lunchtime crew after illness last year (and to Ian and Sandra for the lift home). And to Rachel Newstead and Nicola Duncan for being super training buddies for the long runs (in all weathers - thanks Scotland!!).